is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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