ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
