it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
