I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
