I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
