So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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