break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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