i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
