I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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