u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
