Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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