I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
