sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
