why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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