Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
