Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Randomize
