oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
