we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
