whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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