tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
