She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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