My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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