So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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