She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
