i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
