i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
