Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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