we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think i got beer on your cat.
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