hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
