Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
