wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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