Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
