This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
