I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
