u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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