took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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