the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Randomize
