..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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