I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
