ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
