i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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