I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
