She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
