i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
