You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
