Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
