Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
