then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
