she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We have started to decorate penises.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
