dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
