I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
