Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's blow job season.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
