I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
should my penis look like a turkey
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
